The Struggle is Real

Living as a Christian is an ongoing struggle. I thought about this-this morning as I was riding to work and listening to the last book in the Left Behind series. The book’s title was “The Glorious Appearing” and the part I was listening to was about how people felt as they met Jesus after the tribulation. The shame they felt about their past sins and the rest Christ offered them.

I began to realize how much I am looking forward to “the rest ” we will enter. I am here on this earth to serve; to live for Christ. Living for me feels like I have had to steel myself in order to survive. I can’t say I never do anything for myself, because I do, but when it comes to relationships, I don’t try to “get” anything out of them. It feels like relationships require more giving and little receiving. I rarely feel anyone “ministers” to me, but I live for that day that I will see Christ, so it doesn’t matter. Most of the time I don’t even think about it. I just take life one day at a time.

I have been a teacher (I'm retired but subbing now and am a caretaker to my husband who has dementia) and at the end of the day, I am spent. It takes a lot of energy to be “on” all day long. I am an introvert, so not having quiet time makes it difficult to recharge. However, I feel like even though it is difficult, I need to make my life count for something. Being there for children and young adults in a way that many of them don’t have at home seemed like a good way to spend my life. I was blessed with parents who cared for me and invested a lot of themselves in me and my brothers.

My husband, on the other hand, did not have that kind of family life. His father died when he was two and his mother left them in the care of his grandparents. He was mentally abused by his grandmother and mistreated by his uncles and his brother. His uncles were drug addicts and he had to spend many weekends with his grandparents visiting them in San Quentin. As a result, he struggled with self-worth and self-confidence. He had been told repeatedly that he was stupid and couldn’t do anything. Neither of which was true. He was adept at sign language and had volunteered to help disabled people while at college....yes college. He is a voracious reader even though he does struggle with dyslexia and short-term memory loss. But instead of falling into the pattern his uncles demonstrated, he chose a different path for himself.

I have had difficulties as an adult, but not as a child. I began to understand how difficult the lives of many children and adults were and thought perhaps I could speak hope into the lives of those who did not have it at home. I knew that if my husband could better himself with his circumstances being what they were, anyone could.

As an introvert, it is sometimes harder for me to be a teacher than it was to be a graphic artist, but I rarely interacted with people as a graphic artist. What good was I to God there? My parents were a good example to me. My mom was a teacher’s assistant and my dad drove a school bus after they retired from the military. Even when my mom was battling cancer she volunteered to go read to kids at the elementary school. They were also nurturing to their grandchildren. They were dearly loved. After they died I knew I needed to be more and do more, but it costs.

Life is a struggle. Not only is it a struggle under normal circumstances, but it is even harder when you are trying to please God. You are battling not only your old man, the normal life obstacles but also you are battling the prince of the power of the air. We have to know that He who is with us is stronger than he who is against us. We must take encouragement in the promises of God. It WILL be worth the effort and struggle in the end.